by Jay Trachman
Some time ago, American Comedy Network put out a list of “Common Pitfalls of Morning Radio.” I’d like to review some of them with you, along with a few of my own comments. Keep in mind, they apply to any shift.
- Inside jokes. Or, in my opinion, any rap whose primary purpose is to show “How clever I am.” There are two problems here. The first is that the only way to acquire new listeners is to make sure they have a good time when they’re sampling you. If you tune in to a running gag for which you don’t understand the premise, or a reference to someone or something you never heard of, you’re going to feel like an intruder — until you push the next button. Every break should be self-contained. If it’s a running gag, review the basics of the set-up for a few seconds, on every break. When you refer to other members of the staff, use a title: “I was talking with your afternoon host, Steve R., yesterday and…” “Newsman Bill Smith says…”
The second problem is more subtle: no one likes to be around an “egotist” — someone whose sense of self is so fragile, he or she is compelled to prove constantly how clever they are. A colleague of mine was making humorous references to the new Harry Potter movie for two weeks before it came out. Apparently he’d seen a preview, and talking about it probably made him feel very “in” for the moment. I forgive him, because he has many other fine qualities, but that kind of humor is deadly to making new friends. - Negativism or Sarcasm. ACN comments, “Negativism can work if it’s an essential part of your persona (e.g. Don Imus), but most of us should avoid it.” Or at least, be very certain that your listener understands you’re kidding, and that you’re a basically positive person who looks for the good in others. The criterion here is funniness: if you make a sarcastic comment that’s so funny, it cracks people up, they’ll overlook the mean-spiritedness. That’s different from the jock whose regular run of patter is negative, and people sense this difference.
- Predictability or repetition. If you always say your name, or the weather forecast, the same way, or greet your listener twice an hour with the same words — “Good mornin’ tooya!” — you’re using clichés, not conversation. These bad habits can be very hard to break. Step one is to listen to your own aircheck. Any phrase you aren’t required to say, which occurs more than twice a show, should be viewed with suspicion.
- Too much talk. And too little said. I don’t think listeners mind your talking when they’re rolling on the floor laughing, or when you’re plucking their heart strings like a harp. The common problem is saying things that have little or no meaning, and taking far too long to say those that have. The organizing principle should help here: construct your raps in advance. First, the kicker: the punchline or emotional response that will end the rap. This should be written out, or firmly memorized. Then do the “billboard,” or opening line, and finally, the minimum amount of detail you need to get from one to the other. There are very few raps that can’t be done in thirty seconds, when constructed this way.
- Too much talk about sports. Sports is like the weather; you don’t need to do research to come up with raps about yesterday’s game. Well, the last survey I saw showed only a minority of men is interested enough in sports to care about who stole what, or who creamed whom. Treat sports like any other category of rap; a few times a show is enough. And limit what you talk about to things the average marginally involved fan might care about.
- Lack of preparation. I believe a jock should start his show with, among other things, at least two prepared raps for each hour of air time. Otherwise, you tend to talk about the weather, sports, and whatever else impinges on you in the studio. Spontaneity? It’s next to impossible to produce under pressure. Knowing that even if you come up dry, you’ve still got your prepped material to fall back on, liberates you to be spontaneous.
- No basics. The purpose of basics (meaning the name of your station, the frequency, your name, and perhaps time and temp) is to be absolutely certain that anyone who discovers you, and likes what he or she hears, knows who you are and where to find you tomorrow. And, just in case a Diary should fall into their hands, they know what to write down. The rule of thumb is: every time you open the mike, three of the basics should run.
- Failure to tie in with the rest of the station. Not, “Listen to Johnny Jock from 3 to 7, weekdays on KJT!” But rather, “I was listening to Johnny Jock yesterday, from 3 to 7 on KJT, and he cracked me up again! Did you hear him? If you missed it, all I can say is, you’re missing one of the funniest guys in town!” A promo is a sales message — sell the rest of the station by offering benefits for listening. You want the rest of the jocks to be promoting your show, don’t you? Then set a good example for them.
Let me add my own “Number 9” to ACN’s list, because I think it’s as important as all the others: Not knowing whom you’re talking to. If you’re just spouting lines to the mike, you’ll never sound One to One – and I believe that’s absolutely basic to success on the radio. Who you’re talking to determines not only what you’ll say, but how you’ll say it. You can’t be a friend to “all you people out there.” By being a friend to one specific person, you create the illusion of being friendly to all.
Jay Trachman is publisher of “One to One,” a weekly information and humor service for broadcasters. Jay can be reached at: phone (559) 448 0700, fax (559) 448 0761, e-mail at 121@att.net, or www.121online.net. Reprinted with permission.
