by Jay Trachman
In German, the word simply means “man.” In Yiddish, it carries a connotation of “whole person,” “civilized person,” “gentleman,” “caring person.” Someone who makes his or her parents proud. Someone you’d want your child to marry. For our purposes, someone a listener would enjoy thinking of as his “friend.”
What brought the word to mind was a Jock Doc session with a very talented student who apparently was having an off-day on his air check. I heard a fabric of negativism in his words — no one of which was terrible — but which together made him sound like someone I might not care to know better. He made fun of his newsman. He bragged about his golf game. He made a big deal out of a tiny speech error, as though it mattered a great deal that he had shown himself to be imperfect. A bunch of little things like this led me to believe that on this particular show, he had mentally “lost his listener.” Some might call it “ego-tripping on the air.”
I flashed back on the first time a PD ever used that phrase — “lost your listener” — to me. I had brought my recorder (baroque flute) into the studio, and played a tune on the air. It was long and I kept making mistakes and I knew intuitively, as I was doing it, that it was a disaster… But I wasn’t sure why. This kindly PD explained to me that I had forgotten to ask, “Would my listener be interested in hearing this?” It seemed so obvious. How could I have not known?
The correct answer would have been, “Oh, a few bars, maybe.” But me, struggling through a song that went on and on? I plainly forgot about – and thereby failed – the “Who cares?” test.
When you put others down regularly, (unless it’s a regular part of your “shtick” and your listener expects it), you come across as an “egotist” — that is, your listener senses that you’re insecure. Sure, if you have a line that’s compellingly funny, there’s no problem doing the put-down for the sake of the joke once in awhile. It’s when it becomes a pattern, and the material isn’t that good, that it reveals something unpleasant about you. And there are some things you never put down: your music, the commercials, your news person, listeners who phone in.
He did a joke about a politician trying to defuse corruption charges. The punch line was something like, “He’s even stupider than George Bush!” Well, perhaps both of those people are stupid — though I doubt it. But the point is, in calling them names, he made himself, to my ears, an unsympathetic character. Something a “mensch” wouldn’t do.
When I called him on it, he replied that he was repeating an opinion he overheard at the bar he frequents. Fine: then ascribe it to them: “One of my buddies said to me, ‘He must be even stupider than Bush!'” That way the material works, but you don’t come across as doing “one more put-down.” He might have even done something like this: “I don’t know about you, but in my opinion, he’s even stupider than…” That way he recognizes that fact that there are some people out there who think Bush isn’t stupid. And he’s plainly offering an opinion, not a random pot-shot. Once again: the opinion isn’t the problem; the pattern of put-downs is, because it eventually makes you sound arrogant. (The rules are different for talk-radio, where opinions are essential, and arrogance can be part of the performer’s shtick. e.g. Rush Limbaugh.)
That impression is reinforced when you behave as though you think little mistakes you make are a big deal. A “mensch” doesn’t do that; like you and me, he fixes the error, goes forward and forgets about it — just like everyone else — in a matter of a few seconds. (A television personality, like David Letterman, can do it, because his relationship is different from ours. He’s talking to an audience. We’re talking to an individual, and trying to portray ourself, not as a “star” but as a friend. Friends make mistakes… and it’s No Big Deal.)
A “mensch” is generous of spirit. He or she gets excited when a listener wins a contest on the phone, and sympathetic when they lose, and he gives others the benefit of the doubt when possible.
He remembers the old saying, “There’s no limit to what you can achieve, if you don’t care who gets the credit.” Above all, he works hard to keep himself conscious at all times of what others (in this case, his personal listener) might be thinking. He seeks out opportunities to pay compliments. He isn’t Pollyanna, by any means. But he treads lightly with the negatives, and emphasizes the positives. Just like anyone you’d enjoy knowing personally.
Being a “mensch” is not the only way you can be successful as a radio personality; goodness knows there are plenty of talents who wear other personas. Howard Stern is not a “mensch” on his show (although, remarkably enough, he definitely is, in person.) But for the vast majority of us, success depends on our being credible, friendly, supportive and warm. Is that who you are in real life? Then be that way with your listener, too. Please.
Jay Trachman is publisher of “One to One,” a weekly information and humor service for broadcasters. Jay can be reached at: phone (559) 448 0700, fax (559) 448 0761, e-mail at 121@att.net, or www.121online.net. Reprinted with permission.
